Do you have trouble accepting help?
Are you too strong/stubborn of a person to show your true feelings?
I am definitely that person. Accepting help from others does not come naturally for me. I feel like I get in the way. I feel like I am being too annoying and taking too much time out of someone’s day. Maybe it is something as simple as slipping on ice in front of someone you have a crush on and refusing their hand when offered help up or being on crutches and not letting your parents help with your busy toddler. I feel like I am being a burden to people, I feel when I ask for help I am being viewed as weak. Being feared as weak is a huge fear of mine.
I can admit this though and I am working on it. When I was seeing my therapist every second week for over two years, this was a topic that always came up.
So why? Why do some people have such a hard time accepting help?
- Some people have a reputation for being that person that always helps others and never seems to need help themselves. Maybe they are actually all good. Maybe they are just really good at hiding it. Maybe they think they can use all their own tips and tricks for self help. Or maybe they just don’t know how to ask for help? Sometimes a fresh perspective makes all the difference and knowing that there are people around you that love you and want to be there for you is always something that should be kept in the forefront of your mind/heart.
- Inconveniencing others (or thinking they are). Most people who don’t ask for help, like myself, just think that we are inconveniencing others. I know that my loved ones and friends have a lot going on in their lives, why should I add my problems on top of theirs. I am sure that others feel the same way as I do. Maybe they think if they hide what they need help with just long enough, the issue will go away.
- Still denying the issue/problem at large. This is very common. People may not accept help because they think there isn’t a problem. This may happen with alcoholics, workaholics, people suffering from depression, etc.
Does this mean that you should stop offering help to the person that never takes the help? NO!
- Never close your door, always keep it open. Even if you stop offering help, still keep talking to the person. Show interest in the person.
- Respect and understand that maybe that person needs time to process everything. That person will come around eventually (could take days, months, years…).
- Show the person affection (if they let you!). Hugs, kind words, etc. Sometimes this is all a person needs to turn around and trust you enough to open up.
Who are you? Are you the type of person who accepts help easily? Or are you like me – stubborn. Whoever you are, it’s okay. Know that the other party isn’t intentionally rude when they don’t take the help or don’t feel like an ass when you don’t take the offered help.
But learn how to take offered help. Better yourself by doing that. It does not make you weak. Others will always be there for you to pick you back up when at a low point. Remember that.
PS: Funny enough, I actually asked for help with writing this post. I was stuck in some places and the best person helped me out! Thanks for helping KB! 🙂