Silent Attack.

This past week has been a long one.
Day to day can be really hard when you just “don’t know”.
Some days I just feel like crying,
Some days I need to be around everyone who I can be around.
Things will get better.

There will always be difficult days mixed with amazing days. I’ll be honest, I have been dealing with both all week long and I don’t really know what’s up. I am tired all of the time, to the point where it is a struggle to get to work (I was almost late the other day and then took a day off just because). Other than being tired, I have shed my fair share of tears this week and been a whirlwind of mixed emotions.

I have also had a really good day this week. On Tuesday, my photographer told me that she had finished editing our wedding pictures and they were up in the online gallery. Anyone who has spoken to me about the wedding pictures knew I was so stressed out. There was a huge possibility that the pictures were lost but Chloe came through and recovered over 700 pictures and I could not be happier. Here is a sneak peak wedding picture below.

How can a person keep flipflopping between good days and bad days? What is really going on?

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It was Canadian Thanksgiving this past weekend and there are so many things to be thankful for this year. Unfortunately Keenan and I both had to work the whole holiday weekend this year, so that meant that we couldn’t spend time with our families. Some awesome family friends invited us over for turkey dinner on Sunday but I just couldn’t go. I got home from working all morning, sat down on my bed and just started crying. I don’t know what I was crying about but it was almost as I was having a panic attack.

I can admit that I am a huge introvert. As much as people think that I am a people person, I love to spend most of my time alone doing things that I enjoy or just sleeping. Coworkers have always stated that I am so calm, cool, amd collected but I don’t feel that way on the inside. Even though I know  this about myself, I still love the holidays and seeing friends and enjoying a huge feast. So why the panic attack?

There can be many reasons as to why people have panic attacks. There are also many various forms of panic attacks out there and not everyone has the same attack every time. Some examples are:

  • Paralyzing Panic Attacks – everything looks “normal” from the outside but something inside of you is screaming. This is a common one for me. I will get light headed, sweaty, stop talking and then end up crying in the end.
  • Raging or Irritable Panic Attacks
  • Nit-Pickiness (OCD like symptoms)

I just want to let you know that you are not alone in the world when you have a panic attack. There are steps that you, yourself can take to calm  yourself down and there will always be certain people in your life that can help (whether that be a significant other, therapist, doctor, or a best friend).

Some good first steps you can try to take next time that you are having an attack are:

  • Acknowledge the attack and know that it is happening. Try not to judge yourself, try to tell yourself what you are feeling deep down.
  • Think about how you would treat someone with similar symptoms that you are experiencing right now. Do not be harsh on yourself.
  • Try to connect with the moment. Try the grounding exercise to accomplish this (few blog posts back).
  • Other things you can do in the moment to help are: listening to loud or soft music, going for a short walk outside and getting fresh air, hugging a loved one or a pet, or curling up in a blanket and lying down.

I know I can learn from what I write down to share with you. Sometimes I think that I need to be superwoman and cannot show any emotion at all – this is probably what causes my attacks in the first place. We are all here to help one another. Any advice you can give me on panic attacks would be great and I will always be here to return the favor.


2 thoughts on “Silent Attack.

  1. Jill

    Oh man I get so frustrated when people say “Oh you’re so calm you have it all together”. Hell no I don’t. I’m a mess on the inside!!

    I find listening to Glorious by Macklemore helps me to remind my brain that I can feel glorious.

    Liked by 1 person

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